DETECT DECEPTION IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

Non-verbal Signs of Lying.
People think that signs of deception leak out through non-verbal behavior,so hard to control.Deception's hard to control because:
=Lying causes stress and anxiety
=Lying takes more mental effort
than tellimg the truth
=Emotion give oeople away when
lying.
When lying,people:
.offer short responses
.make more speech errors-more um's,er's
-blink more
-fidget more
-hurriedly follow a newly introduced topic
-don't break eye contact
Liars like truth tellers are on average just as likely to look you in the eye.Using non-verbal cues is not always useful.it's because peopole leak their genuine feelings when lying but these genuine display of emotions called micro expression last only a fraction of a second.These expressions are too brief to be of much practical use.people do better than 'flipping a coin' when trying to detect lies in a romantic relationship.If there's stress when lying,people typically tell the same lies over and over.People become so relaxed with their lies as time passes.As people tell lies often,they begin to believe what they are saying.Telling the truth can be as hard as lying.People are worse at at spoting lies when dealing with one they love
It's hard to spot deception with a total stranger.A reasonable person might say it would easy to tell if a lover is lying.Afterall,people are more intimate with their romantic partners and know how they behave.It's easy to spot lying in a lover using his body language.It makes sense but the opposite is more likely to be true.
When people are in love,they place a lot of trust in their partner as it gives them security and comfort.This creates an avenue for deception.As people become more intimate and more emotionally involved,they become less accurate at detecting their partner's deception.Have you ever had a friend who was in love with someone but your friend could not see how his or her lover might be lying?It's always much easier for others to see the truth.When we bwcome emotionally attached with someone,its much harder to spot their lies.Seeing the truth would simply cause too much pain,especially when it comes to infidelity.Because we trust our instinct,we believe we can spot lying.While we occassionally catch a lover lying,we probably only catch about 1-5% of the lies we are told.Based on these few successes,we assume we can detect deception better than we can.As intimacy increases:
-partners have more reasons to lie
-ability to detect deception declines
-confidence to spot deception increases
People are most likely to decieve one who loves and trust them most.
If you wanna know if a partner's lying or no,don't ask probing questions like what?,really?,are you sure? as they give the person feedback.Asking such questions shows you are suspicios and if the partner's lying,he can adjust behavior to appear honest.if you still can't tell if a lover's lying or not after questioning,then she or he must be telling the truth.This' called "probing heuristics"Confidence at detecting deception interfers with one's ability to detect.
HOW TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
It's hard to catch a lover lying by asking too many questions or paying attention to her non-verbal behavior.Its easy to get others to be more truthful than it is to catch them lie.cheatin spouses get caught in one of 2 ways.
*accidental discovery-Your wife decides to come from work early
*mornitoring-it's most effective but can cause problems.Its ethical to mornitor a spouse without his or her knowledge.
PRACTICAL TIPS
*Keep a journal of your spouse's activities
*record time and number of calls
*plan a surprised visit
*keep track of your spouse's mileage,reciepts,credit card statements,atm withdrawals.
*buy surveillance tools like hidden cameras
Don't confront till u have enough evidence.Dont reveal all evidence at once.if u withold some,ur partner creates stories 2 fit releasd evidence.u can use left evidence as leverage.ur spouse will know start 2 question how much u know,increasing odds she or he will tell d truth


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